Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Cascade effect – Idiot Proofing

It is common knowledge that ‘they’ did not install the patience gene when they were creating 'The G’ – which follows that there is very little that catches and keeps my attention for long – especially when it has ‘stoopidity’ attached to it.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I definitely could give Stephen Hawkins a run for his money when it comes to some people. Seriously people, at least if your faculties are a bit challenged you should pepper them with a bit of humour, or creativity, or activity, or just do not show your face – either one will do but just do not ask me stupid questions and expect me to stand there and be all sweet and honey about it. Not today.

Today, I designate it an ‘Idiot Proof Day’.

I will not tell you about people who cannot do simple mental sums

I will not tell you about people who cannot ‘communicate’ clearly

I will not tell you about people who ‘assume’ things without clearing them out

I will not even try to say anything about the above being done last minute

I will, when not telling you about the fact that the animal previously known as ‘common sense’ is not altogether common, and it sure as hell isn’t a sense, and thereby reiterate that if you know where to find one, please make an appointment with Specsavers – cos you might need their services, and soonest.

I will clearly raise my eyebrows (The Rock has nothing on me) and look at you blankly when you ask me something that any village idiot worth their weight would point out for free.

I will sit and wonder, at your expense, and hopefully within full hearing range of you, how in the world people of your calibre manage to still be alive, and well, and not under the wheels of a ‘steam engine’ cos I would expect they went out with same.

I will then, exasperated, proceed to take whatever implement, be it pen, book, scalpel (I am sure that is a typo, cos nobody in their right mind (left, even) would ever let me near one of those), or a pneumatic drill (hopefully this can be upgraded to a seismic vibrator) and show you how to ‘do’ whatever it is you are supposed to do with it – oh wait, that is not right – I will do what you were meant to do, in double-speed, and leave you wondering if I am insane – which I will save you the question by answering in the affirmative. See, I am a staunch believer in ‘If you want something done well, do it yourself’ – delegation notwithstanding.

Having said that, I was thinking about something that pissed me off today – the fact that a (please don’t say stupid person, cos you do not know them well enough, they might just be confused about… oh forget it) idiotic human specimen robbed me of a day set aside to spend with Cutified Little Human – how uncool is that? The one person that makes me smile even at 2am – with my eyes half closed and my back and arms aching and flailing all over the place cos I have been standing for hours because he cries everytime I sit down cos he prefers I stand so I can walk him around for ages while he strangles me with my chain and talks endlessly about ‘God knows what 31/2 month old babies babble about’, and when he sleeps and I put him down he opens his eyes like he was never asleep and gives me a wide toothless smile that says: ‘Sucker! If you think I am gonna give up that tight hug so easily, you’ve got another think coming. Pick me up, Scottie’ – if there were ever manipulative 3.5month olds, he is the gang leader. And I had to give that up for a complete stranger who had no courtesy whatsoever and hasn’t got two neurons to string together to make a coherent thought. Ok so I am pissed.

Let me see if ‘I’ have a coherent thought strung together:

(Disclaimer: I have had a few cups of coffee, so I am not responsible for confusing the hell out of anybody. That is all you, seriously)

It is presumed that the world runs on some sort of ordered chaos (ok, I made that up, give me a minute), and I am also guessing that things happen in a sort of order that is determined by what happened before. No shit?

Look at it in the same concept as ripples in water – and widen the circumference a little more – ok so a whole lot more – and the question I am asking is, when does the ripple effect stop – even when it is infinitesimal and its effect has waned, but it is (or is it?) still there.

Case in point: Previously Identified Idiotic specimen cancelled on me today, which in effect means I cancelled on my Cutified Detail, which in effect had my sister scurrying around for a babysitter, she found her ‘regular’ who had an appointment elsewhere, which she had to cancel to accommodate Cutified. Now, in a wide weird world, that may not seem much to anyone (and actually quite dull if you think about it – but then again even a dull thought has to come from somewhere, and it is still pissing me off, so there).

How far, and how effective is my dull thought and its reverberations? In its dull-ality, probably not much of the regular world has been unseated by it, but what if?

What if, say, the babysitter was supposed to spend the day with her niece and take her to the beach (it is a beautiful day, so I can only dream for others), and while she was busy sunning herself, her niece wanders into the water and drowns, but because she cancelled her day off to spend with cutified, her niece gets to live another day? (I am not aware if she has nieces, give me a break).

Or she had promised to spend the day with Jane*, but she can’t because she has cutified, and Jane decides to do her weekly shopping instead, and while there buys a lottery ticket, and wins millions. (See, not all doom and gloom). Do I need to do the math for you still, or are we together…?

What I am asking is – (and please do not give me that crap of ‘all things happen for a reason blah blah’) is how things happen how they were supposed to happen? And, if I could have seen today yesterday, would today look exactly like it did yesterday, and if PIIS hadn’t cancelled on me, would the rest of the world look like it does today? Does my inconvenience today mean that somebody I do not even know exist is having the best or worst day of their life?

Would this dull thought have crossed my mind, and invaded your thought processes today?

Our actions and/or omissions do impact on other people’s everyday lives – and sometimes we think of the ‘obvious’ effects, the ones that we anticipate – like being late for work, and missing a deadline, and having your boss pissed, and he giving you a hard time, and you going for a drink instead of home, and being caught DUI, and spending a night in jail where you meet Luthor who ‘likes you very much’ – Ooooh Kay, thought process abandoned..

But what about the non-obvious ones? I am aware that for these there is nothing we can do to avoid or lessen the impact or negate their effectiveness or something, anything – but what are they?

Think about it.

AOB: Has anyone ever seen a baby squirrel? I has seen one – cutest thing I ever saw.


At Wednesday, April 09, 2008 12:06:00 pm, Anonymous modo mgeni, i guess said...

haiya, i've 'guessed' my way here...hmmmm (looking around and...)

okay you, have an active mind...but like the matrix, for every action there is a reaction/consequence. i kind of tend to think likewise, but i don't go as far as you have gone...eissh!

wewe, isn't a baby squirrel all pinky pinky like a baby rat?? swali tu...but you encountered a rare siting. you are lucky...


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