If it wasn't for the ...

I’ve had a huge crush on my mate J for a while. He is delicious, smart, funny and my friend.
Not one of the ‘inheriteds’

You should not have crushes on friends, it iss always dangerous.

He asks me out, I am busy, he is busy, we never seem to synchronise our ‘free’ times.
I have a free weekend, he is working
Then he calls me, and says he knows of a place he wants to introduce me to
I am hesitant
I have no chaperons
I always have, since I have been here
Everybody treats me like I am twelve

I think I am

Exerting my ‘independence’ I say yes
He will pick me up at 2300hrs
I get ready
Chaperons are nervous
They don’t know who J is

I am excited

We go to this place which isn’t exactly ‘my style’
Apparently I am still a snob
We dance
Oh did we dance?
J aksed me to bring my dancing shoes
I always say: You have no idea what you are in for!
I missed my sisters
They woulda loved the music

I always minimise my conversations over here
Because everyone comments on ‘my accent’
It irks me
I wish I could suddenly switch to a ‘Merican twang overnight
I would

Although

I like not being ‘invisible’

We thence go to an after party
I have already been ‘adopted’ by a whole populace
It isn’t hard
I am amiable
Ask Cutified, I am quarantined when he is feeding or sleeping
One look or word from me and he starts laughing, not funny
D says I am a bad influence – oh oh, what’s new?

‘EVERY ONE’ thinks J and I are a couple
He doesn’t mind, I do

Funny how I want something until I get it
And then it doesn’t appeal so

I still fancy J like mad, but…

The morning after the night before

J calls a million times
Finally I answer at 1400hrs
He wants to go out again
He wants to ‘talk’
Apparently I am ‘sophisticated, cool, beautiful’ blah blah I switch off
I give him my ‘run around, bullshit speech’ as a human or two would attest
I want to see him again, of course

I want to ‘talk’

But not today

Today, I want to be on ‘Cutified detail’
I miss him even when I sleep
He is my ‘levelling ground’

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide