Preconceived notions

Most, if not all, of us are guilty of said. You hear something or see someone and you already have your own theories (real or perceived) about it. Most of it is just hogwash, but some of it though might have some bite to it.

I was having a conversation with my Brother Outlaw the other day, and as usual he was all up in my business, wanting to know who the person I speak to on the phone constantly, and whom I get out of the room to speak to, is. So I filled him in, just to shut him up about it. The usual about where we met, whether he is nice, how he treats me blah blah. And as happens, I added – for good measure – that he is rather ‘cute’ LOL. I know everybody and their cat chaperon me here, wanting to make sure that I do not get entangled with shady characters (and believe me there are many) – which is rather sweet but sometimes I wish they would all just stop. The other day The Gorgeous One was dropping me off, and just by coincidence my Prospective Brother Outlaw (otherwise known as The Armenian – not by Nationality, but by bling and, well, you know – it is a long story, and a personal joke I do not share) was just dropping in for the obligatory dinner and checking in on us (I wonder whom he dates, my little sister or both my big sis and I, seeing as he spends more time with us than with her) and he got very territorial about it – going all full throttle on ‘that guy who was just kissing you on the front door, who is he – I am going to run his plates to find out all about him’. My take: last time I checked, my dad was still alive. Or how whenever we go out to clubs, he is all hawk-eyed, making sure than no dude talks to me or telling any guys that ask that they cannot get my number, even without asking me. Oh dear.

Long story longer, well, Brother Outlaw finds out from self where The Gorgeous One is from originally – and, full outburst ensues about how people from that part of the world have no personalities, and that he has never met anyone from there who is even mildly good looking. And also, wait for it, that they are really ‘black’ – seriously. For someone with a Phd, who has travelled to more countries than I can shake a stick at, who is ‘worldly’, you disappoint me. I could not defend TGO – mainly because there was nothing to defend. I could only laugh – actually, I fell about laughing. What is it with people, eh? Can you not wait to meet someone before you lay out the judgement on ‘their ilk’ – at least until you find out if they are left-handed or right pawed? Like the way people have preconceived notions about people from West Africa – Nigeria to be specific – I reminded him that, and he went ‘he’ was an exception to the rule – he is good looking for a man from there, and he is a real nice person blah blah – referring to someone we know.

He also got rather territorial when I had to go spend the afternoon with TGO – asking all manner of questions about when, where, how long, what we were going to do. I sidestepped them quite deftly and told him I will see him a little later.
Fast forward to later that evening when TGO had to come pick me up, and lo and behold, he came face to face with Brother Outlaw – I introduced them and ran off to finish getting ready, and they were left sizing each other up – whatever it is that men do, especially faced with the dude that might, just might, become one Outlaw some day (I don’t believe I just said that – but seeing as TGO is getting away with stuff like ‘our children’ and carelessly tossing the L word about, I think I am entitled to get careless a little, No?).

The day after the night before, BO is teasing me about TGO – and, wait, wait, did the man just say: Oh, he seemed like a nice guy, and he is rather good looking too. Is that a retraction? I can hear his brain working around the fact that he is not ‘black’ black – he is caramel flavoured. He might have continued on to tell me about ‘the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen’, but that would have been a little ‘gay’, and I would have been worried – for me, not him – I am not fighting for a man with another man, forget that – I do not fight for men, period. No one is that important that I would break my fingers for them, yet. I did not say anything about his preconceived notion about ‘them’ – just like I do not say anything when I hear people talking about other tribes, or races or sexual orientation – it is a no win situation. I would like to think that I can educate people on the differences, celebrating instead of castigating, but this one I will not touch.

Now I have to continuously be teased about ‘my boyfriend’ – I did not even know he was one – I just thought we were just ‘chilling out’ together. Apparently you have to distinguish between what you are to a person to avoid misconceptions. Who the hell makes these rules anyway? Dating is for suckers and people who understand those rules. Of course, I ain’t one of them – or rather, I do not understand (or choose not to anyway) those rules.

As for TGO, I do not even know what is going on anymore. I just look at him and I am lost for words. When he turns the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen sideways to me and ask: ‘What?’, my mind goes completely blank. Even one of my ever ready flippant answers goes jaywalking across the room, leaving me gasping for words. No one told me that I would be scared to think like this, I always thought it would be easy. Who was I kidding? I ask myself what I was doing before – whether I actually participated in the dating part of a relationship – and I do not know if I did. I think this is the spoilt brat leaving the building and getting replaced by a grown up – not pretty. Being in a permanent state of long distance relationships does this to you – you do not know how to handle a ‘ten minutes away’ relationship. Getting any involved a visit to the travel agent, a vacation request, packing of one or more suitcases, cancelling the milk and newspapers for a week, or two, or three – an 8hr flight (in-flight food not a consideration) body scanning and/or orifice scanning (too much information?) etc – nowadays, it is: be ready in 10 minutes – and I will be like: 20 minutes – and he will go: ok 15minutes – that’s compromise LOL

My preconceived notion about relationships being hard work is affirmed – I should spend less time worrying and thinking about it and more time enjoying the fact that I am one lucky human being to have met such an amazing person. Whatever else happens, I am just glad that I did meet him. Every day, every conversation, every touch, kiss, smell – anything, brings out his amazeability. I think I spent way too much time looking at D to realise that there were other amazing men in the world – and, I did not really appreciate whomever I was dating for the longest time because he was not D (who took the first place in amazeability till now), and yes, if you are wondering, they did not have a chance in freaking hell of capturing my heart – body, yes, mind, yes, heart, HELL NO! I suppose that makes me a liar then, doesn’t it? Oh and a cheat too – come to think of it – emotional cheat. Ha! How do you like me now, eh?
I never had to work at all for him to love me – he adores enough for the both of us. I am so glad that I was finally able to lay that ghost to rest, otherwise I would not have allowed myself to be blown away like this. This time I really have to work though – not that it is difficult with TGO – he is real easy going and there are no games or guesswork to be done – but somehow I feel that I have something to lose by being nonchalance. All the b’s (you know, booty, body, brains, boobs etc) will not be enough, I feel, to sell this one.

What the hell am I thinking? What did you do to G? You need to bring her back double-quick – this alien over here is scaring the hell out of me. Thinking about things that she hasn’t thought about previously. I mean, seriously lady, you better get a grip real quick. The M word (not that one, we have the same initial) and the B word. Even the dreadful L word (which was tossed quite casually the other night, by one crazy man). How do people do this?

Someone, anyone, everyone?