Friday, October 17, 2008


I have been weaning myself off of the internet and television - and that has been an eye-opener. Not only have I been reading books that I would otherwise not have read with other distractions, I have also found other ways to spend my free time - constructively.

With that has come some blessings in disguise - or as someone put it, you are a very lucky gal indeed. I always knew that when the time came, it would hit me like an avalanche, and I will be sitting around going: What was that? And I am not sure that would be before or after I have been unearthed from my surreal existence.

See, they say 'the best laid plans ... and all that'. Well, sometimes you have to not make any plans and let fate, God, or whatever other forces in existence take their hit and see what comes out the other end. I am still half-laughing, half-shaking head, half-worried, (are those too many halves? - ah, well), but all in all I am amused, amazed, amalgamated - and to make matters worse, I am actually, seriously, funnily enough, all for it. Jesus God, what in the world is happening to me.

They also say that 'just because things are working well, you should not get too comfortable because they can change in a heartbeat'. I have seen that in action more often than I care to enumerate - and in most cases the changes, though unexpected, have been positive (although we all know a phone call can extinguish bliss faster than a blizzard). The negative ones I tend to let slide cos there is not enough space in my heart/soul/life/patience to accommodate negativity or hatred or bitterness so I move on to other things (oh and people too). They also did say something about 'the best way to get over one person is to get under another' (not literally, mind - but the sentiment stands).

I am continuously amazed at how someone subsisting on less than two hours of sleep a night (most of this confounded by pain so ... well .. painful that I walk around the house at ungodly hours just to escape the bed (and for someone who uses the tag: will sleep for food - this is really really bad)) because of a stupidly trapped nerve on my right foot (no, I dont know how that happened either, and neither do the doctors) can have a mischievous smile on their face every day, have a sunny disposition and actually enjoy spending days (and nights) with other people without actually turning into a vegetable or some sort of nearly ripened fruit :(.

But then God, in his eternal wisdom - did send me a guardian angel, one which I at first took for granted because 'I already have enough friends'. Then, when I thought that life couldn't get less fair to me, He pointed at the guardian angel and went 'walk that way, young one; he will take care of you'. And the rest, as they say, is history. Funny though since I accepted that part of fate/God's plan or whatever was working, things have improved exponentially, and although I cannot point at guardian angel and say he is the root cause of my improved patience, motivation, outlook, bonhomie et al, I can happily say that the change I see within myself is a reflection of what is rubbing off on spending waaaayyyy too much time with someone who is always positive, always caring, generous to a fault, happy, good in all the right ways, motivated, hardworking, focused, brilliant - with a simplicity born of being confident in themselves and how the world pertains to who they are. Someone who does not need to please anyone to fit in, someone who doesn't need to conform to any stereotype, to any class, to any expectations of the norm to define themselves. I am awed sometimes - ok, I give, oftentimes - with his patience, that I feel like I am a spoilt brat (which I seriously am, and he is making it worse by the day) - but then I make an effort to keep in step with him so as not to fall back to old habits and deeds that saw me free-falling into an abyss - or the purgatory that is 'friendship' - or as I call it 'fried sheep'.

Ah, the best laid plans come to the fore again. I am not making plans, I am not raising a timetable, I am not issuing demands or expectations. I will ride the tide, I will peacefully make my way down to the end of the runway, I will turn on the engines full-throttle, rev them a little bit for posterity, and then engage the after-burners and ..... well, after lift-off, 'we' will be off to the ether where 'we' will have carte blanche to mould this life into what we want it to be.

God Help Me, Amen
PS: Who knew?

AOB: Love and all the best to the very special M (and his Bride) on this joyous occassion. Be blessed people, you are loved. I am waaaayyy over here taking notes, knowwhatimean? :D


At Friday, November 14, 2008 2:11:00 am, Blogger gishungwa said...

Hope by now you are well at least the foot is. I love the positive energy that is coming from your writing. You sound happy and i can help but be happy with/for you. I find myself praying that this happiness endures that the bliss end. Be well.


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