Friday, January 09, 2009

Did they jump .. or were they pushed?

2009 is here. I have to admit I am glad 2008 is gone - not for any particular reason but I am a happy camper when I encounter new things - and this is one of them. Like everyone else, I sometimes like to revel in old things and surroundings - and sometimes like to immerse myself into the unknown and see how things unravel - much like jump into the deep end and either hold my breath and float, or not, and still float (well, ..some .. or it is ..sam?) :D

I have been a rather annoying 'port (not sure whether I am an 'im' or 'ex'), I have to admit, and I am surprised people still talk to me at all. Notwithstanding the fact that Americans take the whole ''Freedom' .... of Speech' rather literally ....

... let me give you an example

You meet a human through a previously known human (sex not an issue - sorry, I meant gender - but you knew that already, right? Right?). For an insane moment in time you agree to give them your number. And before you can say: 'Do not call me between the hours of 0700 and 0700', they have your phone ringing off the hook - oh and a text message inbetween asking you why you aint picking up your phone. Damn, people. Which part of the constitution detailed that just because you have the 'Free' to speak, means the other person loses their 'Free' to not speak (especially to you)? The part in my constitution that stipulated that I choose who to speak to, when, why or why not, and the part that instituted that the 'Reject' button on the phone is not custom made, or that 'VoiceMail' is really a foreign concept designed by the Europeans to confuse 'the 'Mericans' into thinking that they are speaking to the real owner of that line ..... And do we really have to go into the 'Emergency Services? This is not it'! Routine?


.. I did mention that I have no idea why anyone speaks to me anymore?

Of those annoying traits is the fact that I love English, and I love playing with words - writing them, talking, listening - and the worst part - the most annoying part - is that I hate it when people misuse the spoken and/or written word. Living in America, as in England - you find that if you grew up learning English as a second (or other consecutive) language, you speak it better than the natives (accents notwithstanding), and you write it better (could someone please declare a moratorium on mixing lower and upper cases IN BETweEN WoRds (looks worse handwritten), before I go half crazy and start shouting at 'everyone'? (And do not start me on spelling, we will be here till New Year's Day, 2012).
Even my own mother called my sister today after calling me a few times and told her to tell me that I need to call home, cos I no longer answer my phone. Crap - someone is in trouble? Moi? Nah, I can slither my way out of that one double-quick. Oh, and did I mention that my sister sent me a text cos I didn't answer the phone when she called?

Why do I not answer my phone anymore, you politely inquire?
It is because, unlike heeding my own advice and not using 2 words when 200 can do the most damage, most people try to stretch imparting information to delivering a sermon - and I sure as hell aint the most patient person on the planet, so I prefer to deal with voicemail, or text message - or neither - and/or both - depending on who is imparting this wisdom. And please God, do not let the person phoning be one of those that called to 'say hi' and ended up leaving a five minute voicemail that told me zilch about why they wanted to inquire about my hale and hearty condition. I easily find myself listening to the first 3 words of a voicemail and deleting the offending thing - and then having to - yes, sometimes - tell the offender that I did not actually listen to the whole thing owing to the fact that 'I got bored'. How not nice of me?

I unhappily had to esplain to brother outlaw the other night that 'human things are uninteresting sometimes' - when he hopefully inquired about my 'not very enthusiastic' take on marriage and/or kids. He pointed out that his own sprog - the absolutely incredible and Cutified 'still 4 toothed' humanoid was my favourite person on the planet, and that 'he loves you more than anything else, he stops doing everything when you walk into a room and runs into your arms, how can you not want one of those by now'?

I am good with kids - actually I am good with big people too (has been said) - I just need more downtime than uptime oftentimes with them. I am still my daddy's daughter, I cannot help it. What is even scarier is that I 'always' find people that will do anything to be in my company - and I currently have one that has applied (even to the family) to occupy that position on a permanent basis. I remember looking at him and going: 'Crap, I promised myself not to use the word 'Crap' again in 2009, but I already exhaused my quota for this side of '200?'. I am sure there are more memorable reactions to such utterances than: Me? You sure? Brother Outlaw went: At least you didn't leave the room and run out on him. My reply: I thought it was amusing. He shook his head and told me that he knows I am crazy like that.

Needless to say, I am still musing over the whole amusing thing, albeit with a 'scratching head' acknowledgement that I saw this one coming from the get to, and yes, I am guilty as sin in a confessional. Speaking of confessionals, when is the last time I did a penance? An official one? A 'Catholic Church' sanctioned one!? Was that not at a wedding where .... Oh Crap, here we go!

I cannot promise to stop making up words, and/or phrases in the English Language:

Sneek Preview:

Reciprocal Shutdown: When I have ignored (or not answered for good reasons, I swurr ....) comms and when I get in touch, the other party does a 'Love Lockdown' on my sorry behind. Tres amusement. You know yourselves, fess up or I am reciprocating the ...
Idiosynchronicity: Do we need to define this one? Ok ok! When a person I know displays idiotic or moronic (Oi, quiet over there) behaviour, and then you meet their friend, colleague, relation or otherwise and they just exhibit similar or worse idiotic tendencies??

Free words of the week (and I should take heed)
Incuriosity: (use extensively when dealing with mortals, trust me, you is amissing nothing)
Juvenility: (stay away from said, unless you's I, and reciprocal shutdown doesnt cut the mustard).

Now, off to phone mummy - there is only enough 'RS' - or should that read 'BS'? - that one should allocate to dealing with one's own Mater - segued (I do so love that one) in one's lifetime - without going overboard and ending up as floatsam.

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